"A simple 'I'm sorry' doesn't erase the hurt." These are the words a dear friend of mine said to me yesterday. She's one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and selfless people I know. She works hard in school to get the best grades she can get, she works hard at our job, she's always positive, she donates all of her birthday money to her favourite charity, and yet her father still doesn't think she's good enough. Let me explain what happened.
As I was going through my closet, getting rid of clothes that I didn't need or want anymore. I heard my phone go off, so I picked it up. As soon as I saw it was her, I was instantly interested in whatever funny bout she would have today. However, this was not the case. She had decided that since she didn't have to work, and she was just staying home to work on a scholarship, she was going to have a lazy day. You know, the kind where you don't shower or put makeup on, you just stay in your pajamas. We've all had those days! And we all know how absolutely fantastic they can be. Well, when her parents got back from her younger brother's basketball game, her dad got really mad about her appearance. He told her that she needed to shower and put makeup on, and that they had to see her. Irregardless of he fact that no one else was seeing her that day. He then proceeded to tell her that she wasn't allowed to go out with them, and that they wouldn't bring her anything back. He did apologize later, but like she said, a simple "I'm sorry" doesn't fix the situation or erase the hurt.
It was ironic, because as I was going through my clothes, I came across a shirt that I had only worn once. I loved the shirt, but after an incident with a past boyfriend telling me how skinny and perfect I looked in it, it just didn't have that much appeal anymore. I don't understand how people can be like that. How is it seriously possible for a human being to say hurtful things like that to another human being? I know I should have been flattered by what was being said to me in that shirt, but I don't place my self worth in my physical appearance. It was shallow of him to say it the way he did.
But do you know what she said next? She didn't fly off the handle or start saying really rude things about her father. Instead, she said that he was usually very loving, but he did this occasionally. She said that he refused to change himself because he felt he "was good enough as he was." She then made an excellent point about how parents tend to settle for "good enough," and that when she's a parent she wants to strive to be the best she can be.
"I just hope that I can instill a sense of pride in my daughter one day that allows her to feel beautiful whether she took over an hour to get ready or 5 minutes," she said. How powerful are those words?
I read a post online once about how the things our parents do (mothers specifically for girls, and fathers for boys) shape us. When our mother looks in the mirror and criticizes herself, we begin to think that we should also feel these same things about ourselves. We, as a generation, no matter what generation we're from, need to learn to love ourselves.
And this, my dear friends, is why it doesn't matter if someone tells us we're beautiful.
You could have one of the most beautiful people you know tell you that you're beautiful, but you know what? If you can't look in the mirror and say that you're beautiful, and REALLY MEAN IT, then words are a waste. Your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, best friend, mom or dad or sibling could tell you that you're beautiful and mean it wholeheartedly, but if you don't feel it about yourself when they aren't around to say those things, then words don't matter. Now I'm not saying an occasional compliment can't help to boost our self esteem, but at the end of the day? It really all comes down to you. How do you feel about yourself? Do you really think you're beautiful? Do you think you're smart? Funny? Caring?
So my goal for you is this: don't settle for mediocrity. Strive to be the best you can be. Love yourself, love others, and love the world. It took me a very long time to learn to love myself, and I still have a lot of self doubts sometimes. But I have a few tips for you to make this easier.
1) Eat more healthy foods. Believe me. You're body will have much more energy and it will work much better. I always feel better about myself wen I've been eating better.
2) Go for a walk. These things sound very stereotypical and superficial, but I'm very serious when I say they make a difference. My self confidence absolutely skyrocketed when I started running, and later when I started doing yoga. When you're body works better, so does your self confidence.
3) What other people think of you is none of your business. Honestly. They don't determine your worth, your happiness, or your success.
4) Really look at yourself. Sit yourself down in front of the mirror and pick out one thing you love about yourself. For me, I absolutely love my eyes (too easy) and my shoulders and clavicle. When you have days of really low self confidence, do something to accentuate those assets. I like to do a vintage pinup style with my hair and wear something comfy and cute. That always makes me feel better.
So that's all I have for you! If you have any tips or tricks to loving yourself, feel free to comment and share the knowledge!
As I was going through my closet, getting rid of clothes that I didn't need or want anymore. I heard my phone go off, so I picked it up. As soon as I saw it was her, I was instantly interested in whatever funny bout she would have today. However, this was not the case. She had decided that since she didn't have to work, and she was just staying home to work on a scholarship, she was going to have a lazy day. You know, the kind where you don't shower or put makeup on, you just stay in your pajamas. We've all had those days! And we all know how absolutely fantastic they can be. Well, when her parents got back from her younger brother's basketball game, her dad got really mad about her appearance. He told her that she needed to shower and put makeup on, and that they had to see her. Irregardless of he fact that no one else was seeing her that day. He then proceeded to tell her that she wasn't allowed to go out with them, and that they wouldn't bring her anything back. He did apologize later, but like she said, a simple "I'm sorry" doesn't fix the situation or erase the hurt.
It was ironic, because as I was going through my clothes, I came across a shirt that I had only worn once. I loved the shirt, but after an incident with a past boyfriend telling me how skinny and perfect I looked in it, it just didn't have that much appeal anymore. I don't understand how people can be like that. How is it seriously possible for a human being to say hurtful things like that to another human being? I know I should have been flattered by what was being said to me in that shirt, but I don't place my self worth in my physical appearance. It was shallow of him to say it the way he did.
But do you know what she said next? She didn't fly off the handle or start saying really rude things about her father. Instead, she said that he was usually very loving, but he did this occasionally. She said that he refused to change himself because he felt he "was good enough as he was." She then made an excellent point about how parents tend to settle for "good enough," and that when she's a parent she wants to strive to be the best she can be.
"I just hope that I can instill a sense of pride in my daughter one day that allows her to feel beautiful whether she took over an hour to get ready or 5 minutes," she said. How powerful are those words?
I read a post online once about how the things our parents do (mothers specifically for girls, and fathers for boys) shape us. When our mother looks in the mirror and criticizes herself, we begin to think that we should also feel these same things about ourselves. We, as a generation, no matter what generation we're from, need to learn to love ourselves.
And this, my dear friends, is why it doesn't matter if someone tells us we're beautiful.
You could have one of the most beautiful people you know tell you that you're beautiful, but you know what? If you can't look in the mirror and say that you're beautiful, and REALLY MEAN IT, then words are a waste. Your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, best friend, mom or dad or sibling could tell you that you're beautiful and mean it wholeheartedly, but if you don't feel it about yourself when they aren't around to say those things, then words don't matter. Now I'm not saying an occasional compliment can't help to boost our self esteem, but at the end of the day? It really all comes down to you. How do you feel about yourself? Do you really think you're beautiful? Do you think you're smart? Funny? Caring?
So my goal for you is this: don't settle for mediocrity. Strive to be the best you can be. Love yourself, love others, and love the world. It took me a very long time to learn to love myself, and I still have a lot of self doubts sometimes. But I have a few tips for you to make this easier.
1) Eat more healthy foods. Believe me. You're body will have much more energy and it will work much better. I always feel better about myself wen I've been eating better.
2) Go for a walk. These things sound very stereotypical and superficial, but I'm very serious when I say they make a difference. My self confidence absolutely skyrocketed when I started running, and later when I started doing yoga. When you're body works better, so does your self confidence.
3) What other people think of you is none of your business. Honestly. They don't determine your worth, your happiness, or your success.
4) Really look at yourself. Sit yourself down in front of the mirror and pick out one thing you love about yourself. For me, I absolutely love my eyes (too easy) and my shoulders and clavicle. When you have days of really low self confidence, do something to accentuate those assets. I like to do a vintage pinup style with my hair and wear something comfy and cute. That always makes me feel better.
So that's all I have for you! If you have any tips or tricks to loving yourself, feel free to comment and share the knowledge!